Building the Life Bridge with heart leadership pioneer, speaker and author, Ulrik Nerløe (MDE525)

Minter Dialogue with Ulrik Nerløe

Ulrik Nerløe is the Chief Energy Officer at Unified People ApS, a pioneer in heart leadership, founder of Invenio Lab, a public speaker and a bestselling author, having published “The Life Bridge, Your journey from an unconscious to a conscious life,” as well as “The Energy Path, the Art of Leading with Love.” In this conversation, we discuss his journey to becoming focused on heart leadership, how and when does one establish one’s purposes, dreams and values, how does one measure success.

Please send me your questions — as an audio file if you’d like — to nminterdial@gmail.com. Otherwise, below, you’ll find the show notes and, below that, the ful transciption of the interivew. Of course, you are invited to comment, as well. If you liked the podcast, please take a moment to rate it here.

To connect with Ulrik Nerløe:

• Find/follow Ulrik Nerløe on Twitter
• Find/follow Ulrik Nerløe on LinkedIn
• Check out Ulrik’s podcast the The Life After Podcast.

Further resources for the Minter Dialogue podcast:

Music credit: The jingle at the beginning of the show is courtesy of my friend, Pierre Journel, author of the Guitar Channel. And, the new sign-off music is “A Convinced Man,” a song I co-wrote and recorded with Stephanie Singer back in the late 1980s (please excuse the quality of the sound!).

Full transcipt (via Otter.ai) of the interview with Ulrik Nerløe

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

energy, feel, people, dreams, life, happiness, values, years, feeling, realized, convinced, change, constantly, keynotes, happy, minter, speak, love, books, connected

SPEAKERS

Ulrik Nerløe, Minter Dial 

Minter Dial 

Hello and welcome to Minter Dialogue, episode number 525. My name is Minter Dial and I’m your host for this podcast, a proud member of the Evergreen Podcast Network. For more information or to check out other shows on the Evergreen network, please go visit evergreenpodcasts.com. So, this week’s interview is with Ulrik Nerloe. Ulrik is the chief energy officer at unified people, a pioneer in heart leadership, founder of Invenio Lab, public speaker and a best-selling author having published “The Life Bridge, your journey from an unconscious to a conscious life,” as well as “The Energy Path, The Art of Leading with Love.” In this conversation with Ulrik, we discuss his journey to become focused on heart leadership. How and when does one establish one’s purposes? Dreams and values? How does one measure success? A great conversation you’ll find all the show notes on Minter dial.com. And if you haven’t already, please go and drop in a rating and review. And don’t forget, subscribe to catch all the future episodes. Now for the show. Ulrik Nerloe, or should I pronounce it better in Danish Ulrike Nerlooo or something like that? Welcome!

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

Thank you so much, Minter. Happy to be on your podcast.

 

Minter Dial 

Alright, you are a man of energy. You’re the chief energy officer or writer of two books, I read one and a half of them. i You also started to unify people, in your own words, Ulrik, who are you?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

Well, I’m curious guy, and I’m an emotional guy. I’m a dreaming guy. And I’m sensitive. I’m holistic thinking. And I realized some years ago that what gives me a very intense inner feeling of happiness is every time I’m able to take my own journey all my consciousness or insights and share it with others and help them become better versions of themselves and improve their life quality. So, I would say I’m probably also a philanthropist. I love to make a difference to people, and I dream about actually doing as much as possible.

 

Minter Dial 

You and I are connected through our mutual friend, Lou Diamond. Thanks to Lou for doing that. The book that I plunged into was “The life bridge, your journey from an unconscious to a conscious life” that you wrote, just before the pandemic, at least, that came out just before the pandemic. Tell us? How did you get on this journey? Because you weren’t always into the energy space, per se.

 

Ulrik Nerløe

Definitely not! I mean, I had an intense career previously from the IT industry and I was really good at it, and got headhunted often, there was just one problem, which was my values wasn’t corresponding in the industry. And I woke up every morning, being afraid of whether there will be the day when I would get fired, or somebody would, I mean, kicked me out. And I realized two different episodes in my life. One could be the one that that is, is the beginning of my book, which is describing a situation where I arrived at my son’s school. One afternoon, he was five, five years old. And when he gets into my car, and we start to drive we from the backseat, just hear this young boy voice. And he says bad I’ve been thinking Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped being angry with yourself so you can stop being angry with a with the rest of us was just a mile from the backseat. And you know, winter I was literally close of driving off the road, because I mean, he just hit it spot on. And that was the feeling that I had I mean, I was angry with myself because I didn’t listen to my heart didn’t respect myself. But I just kept going into the as industry and staying in that kind of way of living, I would say. But nevertheless, it was one of the most important wakening moments in my life because I realized I needed to do something different, and you should change. And fortunately, six eight months afterwards, I quit my job and I started unifying people. And I wanted to do so because I could see that there was a massive need of,

 

Minter Dial 

of helping leaders become better. Helping people to find the key to become better versions of themselves.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

taking off away the negative inner voice constantly blaming oneself telling oneself not being good enough, or always having this critical voice. And that was mainly based on my own journey, my own realizations. Because I used to be like that. And I figured out that that definitely not contribute to any positive, happiness-wise, or energy-wise.

 

Minter Dial 

It’s been my observation, Ulrik, that the ones who tend to move into this idea of consciousness as you have, typically get into it through some kind of massive event. In the case of your son, it wasn’t a massive event, but obviously, it was a very emotional awakening. You also had you explained later, the blood clot situation that the health idea, the near-death experience, these are the types of things that wake people up. And I’m wondering how, in the even in this conversation, we can stimulate people to get into this mode, without needing to go through a hallelujah moment an “oh, shit” moment. Because it seems like once you’ve got it, once you’ve there’s no going back. You just ‘duh’, of course this is what you’re doing. But until then we motor along. And we are just fine with our paradigm; it is the way it should be. And you just keep on going until you have the midlife crisis, until you have a heart attack. And then it’s too late!

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

I think exactly what you point out here is one of the biggest questions I’m seeking through life. Why is it that it needs to hurt before we actually choose to push the pause button and reflect? And when I do my keynotes, I often say it’s not even when the bone goes out. At the end, it is when the bones go back, that we start to realize we need to do something different. And yes, that has been the same story for me as well. And I think it goes back to how do we raise our children? How is the school system set up for children to actually become much more reflective. And I totally agree. It’s like The Matrix, there’s a blue pill, there’s a red pill. And once you take the blue pill, you can never go back. And this might sound a little bit arrogant. Sometimes, I’m thinking to myself, how can it be that so few actually are conscious. And then on the other hand, sometimes I think to myself, Oh, life could be so much easier if I wasn’t conscious. So, it’s like there’s some contrast into this reality. Nevertheless, in my point of view, life is very simple. It’s about conscious decisions on what is it that you do want to do? And things you don’t want to do and the things you don’t want to do. I mean, there are of course, things you cannot avoid in this. I mean, it’s just a term, you just have to accept it. But there’s so many things where people can’t constantly say yes, yes, yes. But their inner voice just says like Hello, Yes! Why do you say yes? Why isn’t that You don’t say no? You’re not supposed to do this! And one of the reasons why I wrote The Life Bridge was that I realized that most people are either stuck in the past, or they’re waiting for the future. But they’re missing out on the present moment. And most people know everything about the things that does not make them happy. The things that don’t dream off the things which is not fulfilling their lives with positive energy. But very few people like to spend time on finding the opposite answers. And this is my dream. This is my mission. This is my journey I’m on and I want people to realize that they hold the key to everything. And the journey is going from unconscious to conscious.

 

Minter Dial 

So, I heard you say it’s about the way we’re educating our children. And it made me think about the fact that most countries, the nativity rates for adult women is hovering between one and two. And in many countries as well, but well below replacement rates. So, we don’t even want to have kids in our society. Maybe because we’re so worried about the type of community we have; also there’s the expense. And the second thought I have which is somewhat related, which is this idea of feeling “me” as opposed to this notion of duty or community because it’s like it’s my life, my values; what I want to have. And a lot of kids seem to think that what if I feel it, that’s the truth? If it’s for me, that’s the best. And I was wondering how you manage that sort of tension between the notion of duty community, feeling and individuality.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

So, first of all, I think we should immediately take ego out of the equation. This has nothing to do with ego, it has all to do with, in my perception, the fact that we teach children to become something, but never to become someone. And through history, there’s loads of people who have made massive success. This through becoming something, but the people who changed the world I would always claim would be the ones that become someone, that then afterwards will become something. And when I look at statistics of how well-being is actually performing, if we use that word, I mean, how are people? I mean, Denmark is, is the second most happy country in the world. We are also one of the countries of the world that needs most happy pills. And when we look at — especially when I look into the Western world — every time we acknowledge someone, it is always with an effect of something that they have done, something they have achieved; it is like, look, now Minter could sit himself, now he takes his first steps. Now he got his first degree. Now he’s got his wife or his career or his house or car. Especially as well, when you look into leadership, it’s always, not always, in most cases, it’s recognition, it is an acknowledgement is connected to something we do. Yeah, achievement, we did stimulating self-confidence. But every time we acknowledge someone for who they are, you’re such a beautiful person, man. So, this is the second time I see you and I always feel grateful. And I appreciate the time that I get to spend with you. Because you’re just such a beautiful person. If we would communicate like that, all through school systems kindergarten, we would stimulate self-esteem, self-worth, the love for oneself, which gives calmness and which takes the ego out, which will enable us to see much broader into humanity, and not only thrive, for the next ego boost, but actually to understand that we are all a part of something which is much bigger, which is called LIFE. And this is some of the things that I’m trying to help people to realize. Because often when I do my keynotes ask this question, so who are your biggest critics? And 98% would say “I am” and then I asked them this question, does this make you happy? Does this give you energy? Does this make you love and appreciate yourself? And of course, the answer is no. And when these things change, life changes, and it makes us feel so much better. And that’s only due to that we go from an unbalanced self-esteem, self-confidence, existence, to a much more balanced, it’s just whatever theme suddenly can be a driver, and if affiliated, of life happiness, and that has to go into children as well.

 

Minter Dial 

In your film, you have this film that you have on your site, it’s really lovely. And you talk about the meaning of your being. And whether it’s, who am I or my core values. I’ve long struggled with figuring out just about how and when those come about. You’re not born with values, you aren’t something other than a baby, I mean, you have epigenetic elements and, and genetic elements. And then you have to bumble through life and you do stuff and then you figure out well, maybe these values are more important to me than these and, and you can’t just magic wand it. You so you have to have experiences. And so this other tension is between doing stuff, figuring out things trying and failing before being or before anchoring your core values, how do you negotiate that? What sort of advice to give to people you know, when they can actually sit down and stamp out their real core value?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

As you gave me a keyword was, one of the things that is really taking up my curiosity, which is epigenetics. And I’m really inspired by Dr. Bruce Lipton and Dr. Joe Dispenza, who are both very much doing lots of research into this. Dr. Bruce Lipton is referring to some studies, which is, and discovery, which takes place in the age of one to seven. In that time, through that time that the brain is in a stage called theta. Theta is a hypnotical stage where we have been programmed with between 150 to 250,000, rulesets. Just having a dinner and understanding the rules as if a dinner table is up to 25,000 rule sets. And when we get to the eighth year, we go up to alpha and beta. And it’s actually only just before we fall asleep, and just before we wake up, that the brain is in the existence of a stage of data. Now, 98% of what you do everyday comes from the subconsciousness programming, because that’s what’s been programmed in those seven years. And those programmings are shaping our lives. These programs were put into us by all people who are elder than us. So, if you would have an elder brother, he would want he would have been through the same period and same process. So, he will be a part of your programming, as well with your parents, your grandparents, uncles, teachers, all the people that you were among, through those seven years. Now, Joe Dispenza, he says, once you change your personality, that will be the moment you change your personal reality. And the story you tell create our reality. And the narrative that most people are living from are coming from the subconscious programming. But very few people have actually consciously looked at the way I choose to live my life, does that correspond to who I am. And it’s not a motto you just have to change. No, it’s massive, intense work where you constantly ask myself, need to work on changing my perceptions, my emotions, my behavior patterns, my thinking patterns, on areas where I see I have a programming, which is not supporting who I want to be. So, a concrete example could be, I am brought up by a worry that I need to be concerned about my financial situation, no matter what. I’ve known that for ages, it’s been with me for ages I’m working on constantly. And I’m predefine this journey, but nonetheless, suddenly, something comes up and then boom, I’m back again in my programming. And then I need to work my all the way back of letting go; I’m sure I know that everything is gonna be okay. This is how it’s been all the time, through my whole life has never go bad. But again, it’s such a profound thing in me. And I think this is where the values are being put into to you. And at the age of six or seven. So, in the same period of time, as with the programming of the subconsciousness. Nevertheless, I have seen so many people as a mentor, realizing this becoming conscious, and then have changed their lives.

 

Minter Dial 

It’s inspiring. You mentioned this worry of finances. And it made me think of the five big traits of personality that are regularly talked about, including optimism or positive outlook. And then one of them is neuroticism. And the study generally says that most CEOs have a healthy quotient of neuroticism in them and so, therefore, it is a positive whereas one might take it as a negative but I suppose in your case, it’s more about embracing your understanding it?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

Yeah, and then again, one of the things that I realized very much connected what we’re talking about now that that the most lonely person in the organization, that the CEO and when I speak to CEOs and interview them on this matter, very often it gets very emotional, of course, but as well, it’s like, Thank God finally, somebody speaks it out loud. That’s exactly how I feel, I always felt like that. And then the imposter syndrome immediately knocks on the door. Because the fear of being called out, realizing that I can’t do what everybody thinks I can do. So, the lack of vulnerability within leadership is what’s hindering us, just to be human beings. And this is why I often talk about we need to humanize organizations again, because we’re wasting massive amount of energy, on worries and fears and projections of things that never occur. Because approximately 3% of all worries are the ones that actually are happening. And they’re mostly bound into terms, which means that we can do anything about them just have to accept them and deal with them, when they come to rest is never seen that they will live. And so there’s so many things and this goes again, back to self-esteem, we can solve so many things off of lack of, in people, if we would create a new balance between self-esteem and self-confidence.

 

Minter Dial

And I think we could all do a little bit more of that, as long as it’s not too much of an ego trip. So, you you are in the land of the Hygge, I have a how you pronounce it, and you have the happy pills you were talking about! We talked about the loneliness of CEOs. But in many countries, I’ve heard about the epidemic of loneliness, not just as CEOs. You mentioned mental health, quote, unquote, performance. There are so many mental health issues going around. And yet we live in this relative era of prosperity. And pretty much everybody has everything. How does one move along? Especially when you’re working in a business? Who are the people who are if they come to you, Ulrik, are they already not a little bit open to it? And are we not really needing to focus on the people who aren’t open to it? Because they’re the ones that are causing the most hardship and draining the most energy?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

I love your question, man. So, because is a very good question. There are two stories to the same side. So, often, when I meet people who are not open at all, then I open up the door for them, which, in many cases, creates an uncomfortable feeling, because suddenly they realize that these idolize like that feeling less inside of me right now. And by the way, now, I suddenly realized that this emptiness or these loud noises, sound has been inside of me. Now I know why it’s there. But that’s going to hurt the fine, we’re going to access it. So, I’m going to do everything in my power to turn it off again. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t turn off when you finally open it. But nevertheless, it will be like maybe a year, maybe six months, but in some cases three years before they return. And they said, “Can you recall we had a meeting ages ago? What’d you do to me? Because I mean, I need to look into this!” And I mean, that’s the vast majority of people. What has happened through COVID is that people realize this emptiness because finally they got a moment where they were paused to reflect. And with the numbers of people leaving their jobs, approximately 50% of all people are actually at the moment questioning should I change my job or should I not? I’ve never ever experienced so many people coming to me, saying, well, Ulrik, I quit my job. I don’t have any other job. I don’t know when I’m gonna have a job. I know the next job. I need to be able to be who I am. And I want to love what I do. And I have no clue what it is that I would love to do in my future. So, there’s been a massive transformation and energy transformation in people where people realize the emptiness which is living inside of us. And people want more fulfilling experience through purpose. But basically, you can’t touch here, nor see energy but everybody feels it. So, when we talk about purpose-driven leadership, it because we want something that everybody can feel. What they can feel is the energy and what resonates, integrates. So, we want to have an energy in organizations that resonates with people, because energy is magnetism. And we shouldn’t think about how we should retain our people so that they won’t leave the company. No, we should think about how do we create an energy where people can live without the energy, where people love to contribute and be a part of the energy, we want to create a reality where people actually thrive? Because they can do exactly what they feel like doing. And this is some of the things I see changing. Is it moving fast? No. Is the potential big? The issue is there’s still tons of car companies who haven’t even thought about changing. I have not counted because there’s so many.

 

Minter Dial 

Yeah, well, I get I the feeling that on the one hand, there’s a lot of you talk about people washing, which I want to get into. But there’s also purpose washing. And then on the other side, there’s a lot of people who actually don’t know what fulfills them. They haven’t really cottoned on to that. And so, there’s also a risk that they can just jump on the next trendy hashtag of purpose, whether it’s some social cause, global warming, or whatever, and make that feel like it’s the thing. And yet, I see so much distress, disappointment, even though they have these causes, let’s call them their purposes. They don’t, I think, resonate at the deepest levels. What’s your impression?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

I totally agree. I think I mean, it’s quite interesting that in the US purpose-driven leadership is at a massive, really a massive thing. Everybody’s talking about it. But at the same time, at the other end, they look at the top 10 worst-performing parts of the organization and they fire them. What’s the purpose behind that? And I think you mentioned people washing. So, we have greenwashing. greenwashing is a topic that is becoming more and more into our passions, in terms of when we look at companies of how well are they actually doing on the CO2 emission, transformation and that part? But washing is whether there’s peoplewashing, or greenwashing, it’s all about the things we do, is that what we do, so what we say is what we do? If 90% of all leaders would actually practice that, walking the talk, then things will change. And, that goes as well for values. I recall, I had a situation with a client some years ago, where we had really put some massive work into value propositions and value definitions. We were describing behaviors. So, when we say freedom, what is an what is that? Actually? We mean? How can we interpretate freedom in our company? Well, it’s about making decisions yourself. It’s having the freedom to speak out loud, so on and so forth. But suddenly, I was sitting in a, at an off-site, where we had to take some really tough decisions. And I was constantly challenging them, because they couldn’t make the decisions that they wanted to make, if they should live up to the values. And then the CEO says, But you know what, Ulrik? Values are good, as long as they support the business? Why did we spend three months of working with values if they’re only going to be used when they’re supposed to business? No. Values are the things we do around here. That is the foundation of cultures, cultures, just the things we do around here, together with all the other people who are that. So, it’s pretty fun to look into the younger generations. Again. We need to be able to identify ourselves, with the surroundings we’re in. And it’s our belief systems and our values that are supporting our identity. And so that means that we as people, we bring our identity our belief systems of our values into the surroundings, in this case, our company every single day. And we constantly sync if these to correspond, but here’s the thing Minter, you and I, we know that change is here to stay. And we know that change is massive, and it’s going to explode even more, just in a few seconds when AI really, really hits off. Which means that we, as people, would intensify even more the synchronization need between identity of producers, and values, if there’s no concrete things where I can stick to, and I can run back to say, Yes, that’s right, things changed Well, me but I still have my belief systems and I can still see myself with my beliefs and values with the company is believed I’m just gonna take care, and really do all my best to adapt myself into what is expected to do for me to adapt to. But it has nothing to relate to? Why stay?

 

Minter Dial

It’s very evident in what you write about, Ulrik, that there must be personal elements in a professional space. And this is something I certainly have been very keen to have. The challenge I think, for many people outside of not knowing who they are at a personal level. They attach themselves to the identities around their accomplishments and what they’re doing at work. And I’m the CEO, I’m this and that… and in your piece on people washing, which I recommend, I’ll put a link in the show notes about it: In LinkedIn, you say “we live in an era where people are increasingly seeking authenticity, transparency, and genuine heart connections. People watching undermines these values eroding trust and credibility. It’s high time we recognize the importance of aligning personal branding, with real values, actions and impact.” You’re the head of a company, how do you actually make that come about?

 

Ulrik Nerløe

There was a study that was created many years ago, where researchers figured out that 70% of communication between people is to practice emotional communication 10 within his words, and 20 within his body language. And then latest research within quantum physics has proven that 60 times the heart energy, the energy comes from the hardest, 60 times stronger than the energy that comes from the brain. And authenticity is where the full alignment is between mind, body and soul. I left the corporate industry and became self-employed because I was tired of corporate bullshit. Where top–educated top CEOs were giving one speech after another. And you just sat there listening. And I thought to myself, you don’t even believe what you’re saying right now. And, I mean, all of us have experienced these things and experienced people where we they say the right thing to do the right thing. But nevertheless, we still suffer this brain feeling in our interest in our gut saying there’s something wrong here. And all through these 12 years where I have transformed coaches and help leader groups become much more connected much better working together, help organizations transform in to positive, focus mindset, creating flows in energies is always been about connecting people to people, not just roles for roles. Approximately 89% of the identity perception for men and women is put into what we are and never into who we are. And coming back to… I actually did a keynote speak in London, probably seven or eight years ago, and I was standing on the stage and suddenly it came to me find the answer what makes you happy? And to what gives you energy and you found the answers to everything. And I thought to myself, that was super simple. But that’s a fact. Find the answer to what makes you happy and give you energy and you found the answer to everything. Should I marry this woman? Or shouldn’t I? Well, does she make you happy, really happy that she fills you up with positive energy? Not every single day, but most days? Incredible, then you might have the answer. Which education should I have? Should I change my job? Should I there’s so many things and then interesting thing about this is when we look into the complexity of what makes you happy, so happiness on compared to the complexity of motivation, engagement and inspiration, then happiness is so much more simple than for instance, motivation, engagement and inspiration. But my claim would be that if we don’t even know what makes me happy, we definitely don’t know what engages me and motivates me and inspires me. And having the opportunity to speak that out loud… vulnerability, it’s like feelings has been hidden and forbidden and business life. But again, 60 times stronger energy from the heart. We know the clinical definition of lack of empathy, emotions, that psychopath, that is having the stage, we know that, I mean, Daniel Goleman, started more than 10 years ago to speak about emotional intelligence. But it seems like it’s now only slowly picking up. Probably where we are underestimating is the impact for the generations who are coming into the market right now. Because younger generations, they want to be felt, they want to feel, they want something that resonates, they want an energy they can relate to. They want the human being that is leading them, they don’t want to have the role, they don’t care how many stars how many years you have, in your, in your backpack of experiences, if they can feel you, they won’t work for you. And this is a massive change that we would have to relate to in a completely different matter. And that guy that’s going to challenge the dinosaurs who was not realized, that is all about who you are, and not what you are.

 

Minter Dial

Alright, so let me be a little bit of a dinosaur. And say, sometimes you just got to do the shit. Sometimes you just gotta do what I tell you to do. Sometimes what you’re going to do isn’t fun, and is not going to make you happy, because that’s just what you have to do. Sometimes it’s about paying the bills or driving a long drive when you’re tired. You know, there’s, there’s an element of duty. And, the other part of challenge, which really shouldn’t be part of, “Oh, I feel like this is right for me,” sometimes you just have to be able to stiff upper lip it a little bit more.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

This is not about pink and perfect. I mean, I have three companies that I run, and it’s great fun, but it’s not always great fun. I mean, I love cooking, but I don’t like cleaning up the kitchen afterwards. But nevertheless, I don’t have any butler coming in cleaning up the kitchen for me. So, I need to clean up the kitchen. And I think it is always going to be like that, there will always be things that we need to do that will not be fulfilling, not being purposeful, or meaningful or giving us energy and lalalala. Absolutely. But that’s not going to be a problem. If 70% or 60% or 80% of everything else is actually generating what creates happiness. I mean, just think about I know that you and our listeners who might be self-employed. I mean, when was the last time we had the feeling of happiness at work. I think the percentage of people being self-employed. I mean, there’s a good chance of there’ll be a higher percentage of happiness in the daily work for people being self-employed than people having a job. And we’ll look at the statistics for Gallup, for instance, 13% of the world’s population that go to work, they love what they do. 63%, they don’t give an f. And the rest of them hate coming to work is actually not the last percentage, which is the problem is the 63% that don’t care about their work. That’s meaningless.

 

Minter Dial

It feels like it’s about finding some kind of equation. And I don’t mean balance or equilibrium. But some kind of equation and I really don’t think it even needs to be 60% or 70%. There’s if the intensity of the enjoyment is so huge for 10%, that can be another way of making the equation work.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

Happiness is not a constant. I recall one of my good friends back from my primary school often she would ask. Are you happy? And I was just like, let me just feel and send a little bit yeah I yeah, I’m kind of happy right now, right. And as we spoke about before return on the microphone is has been the most amazing spring slash summer like weekend in Copenhagen this week, that weekend. And it’s just been an amazing time. High quality, two days, family friends. I love that. I mean I can really take so much energy out of that that can bring me on to the next great moment like being here with you, or whatever. But happiness is not a constant. But it’s still like it’s something where you need wood like where if you go to a river and use jump on stones and stones and stone just on then you cross the river, without getting your feet wet. This is what is about what this is what it’s about when it comes to happiness, it’s needs to be something that on a regular basis, fills you up. At least that’s my perception.

 

Minter Dial

Like you I’m sure you run into people who don’t have that happiness bug that have more that sort of empty engine or you know, the petrol tank is not full. And or feeling lonely, or the thoughts in my head are negative. How do you approach? I mean, we’re not psychologists, so I’m not. How do you go about correcting that course? You know, intellectually we were we went to schools, right? We know there’s a thing called depression, we know there are things called happiness. We know there are pills and doctors. But what is it that we need to start thinking about when we when somebody is listening is not feeling so hot? What what do we need to start? Where do we how do we get back into the groove, the good groove.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

So, one of the things I often talk about at my keynotes is the enablement of the empowerment. Everything which is needed to find happiness has been put into us at birth. It’s like coming to a summer house, where you haven’t been for the whole winter, and everything has been turned off. And then you go to the electricity board, and you push one button and you hear the refrigerator click. And then the second part, and boom, light turns on the third problem button and heat is about to come. This is exactly the same with us people. And I have worked with a lot of people who have been through long processes with psychiatrists. And after maybe three or four sessions with me that life has always thought to be flipped around, and to move forward to what they always wished for. And this is the thing we can learn from the past. But we should get stuck in the past. And I can make the decision on how I want my future should be. I can make the decision on which kind of thoughts is it that I want to have my brain because it’s my thoughts. And it’s all about having a positive manipulation of your subconsciousness. And what I do often is that I ask people every single day to write down the three most positive things that has occurred through the whole day. And they do that for a week and on a Sunday that have the 35 things that they’ve written down. And then they have to select the three best things that occurred to the week. Now, what happens is that when I ask people to do so, immediately the subconsciousness gets into really workload because it will constantly all through day ask, subconsciously Is this the best? Is this the best Is this the best is this positive is this positive as this positive, which means that you will have emotions flowing, going through your body, your mind your soul, of positivity, unconsciously. And coming back to the epigenetics, they say that a thought is an energy wave, as well as an emotion is in an energy wave. And your body consists of approximately 6,500 billion energy cores that creates your energy, your cells, which means that a thought has a direct impact on your body, and how it feels as well as an emotion has. And when we actually start to search for the things those making us happy. Well, most people say, Well, my wife and children makes me happy. Sure, it’s why you can run home and you can be yourself. But there must be so much more that where you can actually have an impact on this. And that’s the fact. So, it’s very much about a balance point, which also was about my Life Bridge model. My Life Bridge model is about putting 50% of our all our resources, energy, focus, dreams, thoughts, into everything that we should appreciate and love and be grateful for in the present moment. The rest of the 50% put them into your dreams. What are your dreams? What is that you want for the future? Everybody knows everything about the things they don’t want to have. I don’t want to get sick, and I’m going to divorce I don’t want to lose my job. Great. Put them aside. What is it that you do want to have? Well, in my case, I want to be happy, I want to feel free. I want to be healthy. I want to feel loved. And so it’s very much about making the decisions of what is it that you do want to have instead of only knowing of what is it you don’t want to what kind of feelings is that you want to have in your body. And of course, it’s not easy, it takes time. But I’ve just seen for so many years now with hundreds and hundreds of people where they change their lives only by doing things like this.

 

Minter Dial

I love it. We mentioned the Hygge earlier, and the Danish approach to things I do believe that there are challenges, culturally speaking, some cultures are more prone to think that it’s all about work. Let’s take, generalizations being what they are, with the Asian community. Another thing is, you know, it’s just about being happy and just jolly time and don’t care about work. And there are a few countries that come to mind there may be stereotypical but there’s there’s definitely some resistance in corporations culturally, to allowing the personal elements to come around. And the notion of dreams. When you write about that in life, The Life Bridge, I must say I was like, huh, I don’t know if I have any dreams. No. And I’m thinking and because according to what you wrote, that’s, that’s a bad sign. And maybe the articulation of dreams for me. I wonder how you would contrast them with goals, targets, objectives and dreams. Because it seems like if you achieve your dream, then you got to dream again?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

So, for me goals, something that you can execute on within a decent amount of time. It’s just something you can do. Where dreams are so much more complex, it’s something where you need to reflect much more in the design phase, which is called principle of quality. Steve Jobs, he spoke about dots and he said you can never connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. And a dot represents a kind of principle of quality. So, that’s the definition of the dream. It’s where you need to connected to higher purpose you need to really reflect on how does it look like? What is the right dream for you? And, and true. I mean, I might be the most naive person you ever gonna have on your podcast? Because I am strongly convinced that all my dreams will come true at a certain point in time. However, the day it all my dreams has come true I would rather die because most people agree upon when I come with a statement, do you believe that what you think is what you get? Meaning if you wake up on a Monday, you just made the decision consciously or unconsciously, it’s going to be a bad day, then you’re going to have a bad Monday because you made that decision. And you’re attracted everything that supports your belief system. On the other hand, if you made the decision, it’s gonna be an awesome day on Monday because I’m gonna meet Minter and I’m gonna have a session with my mentor later today, and I’m gonna have a session with some news guys in the US this evening. So, I’m super much looking forward to this Monday. Then I kind of have a great Monday. Most people agree on this. The problem of only knowing the things we don’t dream, is that you just confirmed that what you think is what you get. So, what is it you attract? And I mean, my two favorite examples is, I mean, if you gotta go to a wedding on Saturday. And it’s super important for you, of course, because you really want to go to this wedding and you constantly think I don’t want to get taken ill, I don’t want to get sick, then you are gonna get sick. Why is, if you constantly fill yourself with: “I’m well, I’m well, I’m really treating my world and myself well, and I’m eating vegetables and herbs,” and so I’m gonna feel very well on Saturday, then most likely you will feel well. And my other favorite example, which is the parking spot about which I also write about in my book. I mean, there’s always — and I mean there’s always — a parking spot wherever I go. I just have been to central Copenhagen. Terrible. With parking. Terrible! There are definitely not enough parking spots, compared to the amount of cars. I’m always parked within maximum 100 meters from the address, where I’m meeting someone. That works I mean, no matter where I am in the world, there’s always a parking spot because I am fully convinced that there’s a parking spot. And I’m, of course, I do have clients who comes to me and say, I can’t dream as big as you can. But it’s not the size of the dream that is important is, it’s actually knowing just what is it that you dream up. And as I said before, my biggest dreams is actually to feel well, to feel appreciated to feel loved, and feel free every single day. That’s my biggest dream. And then of course have tons of other dreams. Well, that’s the thing I’m asking most to get help with. That’s the four things.

 

Minter Dial 

Ulrik, how lovely. Good words to end with. If anyone who is listening, who would like to get your books, follow you find more about what you’re up to? Maybe if they’re nearby, work with you at United People? What are the best links that you can send people to?

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

So, definitely unifiedpeople.com. You will find access to my books. And if you order books in there, you will actually get a small note with a signed copy. Go to YouTube as well. I’m very active, as you mentioned yourself on LinkedIn. I love to impose on inspire people. So, find me on LinkedIn. I mean, there’s Unified People on LinkedIn, but as well all Ulrik Nerløe. So that’s, that’s probably the best access points, as well. I mean, if people get inspired and curious and want more, do not hesitate to reach out. I love to connect with people.

 

Minter Dial 

It’s been lovely listening to your energy over it. And certainly the idea of this building a bridge, something I feel very connected to. So, thank you very much for coming on the show and look forward to staying in touch.

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

I really, really appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me on the show, Minter!

 

Minter Dial 

Hat tip to Lou!

 

Ulrik Nerløe 

Yeah, exactly. Thank you very much.

 

Minter Dial 

Thanks for having listened to this episode of The Minter Dialogue podcast. If you’d like to show if you’d like to support me, please consider a donation on patreon.com forward slash minterdial. You can also subscribe on your favorite podcast service. And as ever, rating reviews are the real currency for podcasts. You’ll find the show notes with over 2000 and more blog posts on minterdial.com Check out my documentary film and four books, including my last one, “You Lead, How being yourself makes you a better leader.” And to finish, here’s a song I wrote Stephanie Singer, A Convinced Man.

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